Parenting: How to Avoid Raising a Bully

Stories about tragic “bullycides” (suicides as a result of bullying) have been all over the media lately. As a result, everyone wants to know how we, as a society, can prevent bullying. There’s no denying the fact that without an instigator, bullying would cease to exist. Therefore, we want to examine how children become bullies in the first place.

Research shows that bullying-like behavior starts at a very young age. Some children throw violent temper tantrums; other kids learn that those tantrums will get them things, and this reinforces their behavior. That said, existing studies about bullying are contradictory and it is likely that a bully’s motivation varies from case to case. Many researchers agree that bullying is derived from low self-esteem while other studies suggest that kids are actually proud and on power trips.

We do know that children who come from violent homes where they may be exposed to domestic violence are at a high risk for reenacting aggressive behavior. The same holds true for children who are physically disciplined.

According to a recent study conducted by researchers from Tulane University, “children who were spanked more than twice a month were 50% more likely than those who weren’t spanked to develop aggressive behaviors.” The study was published in this past May’s Pediatrics and detailed the aggressive behaviors which included fights, meanness towards others, as well as physically destroying toys and property.

It’s easy to point fingers at parents, but good parents can end up raising a bully. We’ve put together a brief list of useful tips to help parents as much as possible:

1. Listen. Really listen to your child. Show interest in their social relationships and pay close attention to how your child talks about his/her classmates.
2. Maintain a healthy household. Create a nurturing home environment in which your child knows that they can talk to you or your spouse with concerns which will be taken seriously.
3. Be a good role model. Try not to let your child see you lose your temper. Remember, he/she is learning how to become an adult by studying your behavior.
4. Teach respect. Good manners go a long way. Educate your child about the difference between being aggressive and assertive.
5. Promote diversity. Expose your child to as much diversity as possible and explain that the differences among us make the world a better place.
6. If necessary, consult a professional. If your child is, or at one time was, exposed to aggressive behavior, or is currently demonstrating a great deal of anger or hatred, consider enrolling him/her in behavioral health counseling or anger management classes.

To download a FREE cyberbullying poster for your community or school and help promote cyberbullying awareness and prevention, click here.

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